Pay It Forward (The Unknown)
by WeCanChangeTheWorld
Summary: This is a fanfiction about if young Trevor Mckinney had a younger brother.
1. Chapter 1

Who am I you may ask? Im Parker...Parker McKinney... Trevor was my big brother. I am his 9 year old brother.

It was late at night, the first night ever without him and I was laying on his bed. Eyes wide open tears streaming down my cheek but I cautious to keep quiet I didn't want mom or Mr. Simonet to hear my cry's. As hard as this is to admit Trevor would usually snuggle me and let me sleep in his bed because I still had nightmares from watching what my biological father did to her, fearing one day itd be me he'd go after next.

Trevor protected me from anything and anyone who tried to hurt me, but I feel so empty because I didn't protect him when he needed it most... I didn't pay it forward.

After that though all i remember is waking up the next morning. Today was his wake and we knew we'd have hundreds if not thousands of visitors to pay their respects. I walked into the funeral home and i almost lost my breath instantly. There he was lying in the coffin. I ran over and as weird as this sounds i hugged him, my mom and Eugene had to both peel me off of him, i just couldn't let go.

Soon the wake started and people came one by one and said Im sorry for your loss, but i knew they couldn't tell how i was feeling, i just put on a fake smile and said thank you.

The next morning brought the funeral, i had to sit outside for some of it just praying and burrying my head into my knees sobbing... I missed him a lot.

About a minute after i ran out Mr. Simonet...Eugene...whatever im supposed to call him ran out to find me. He knelt down beside me and said

" I can't say i know how you feel...because I don't, i can't promise everything will be okay because right now it's not, but i can promise I'll try my best if you do."

"To do what?"

I sobbingly asked.

"To be your best."

He said calmly

"Be my best?! Trevor had protected me since day one! Whenever i needed it! But i couldn't do the same for him! I couldn't pay it forward! I watched him die! Im nine and I've already failed to do my best!"

Eugene looked at me for a few minutes with nothing to say, he didn't know how to comfort me.

Finally he gestured me to go back inside and i agreed too.

It was hard seeing everyone there. I looked around and i saw: Jerry, the lady on the bridge Jerry said he helped, Chris the reporter, grandma, Adam, even the two gang members that killed him. To look throughout the church and see how full it was motivated me for a short while.

Once the funeral was over they were loading Trevor into the hearse i was frantic knowing this would be the last time id ever see my brother again and mom and Eugene had to hold back and calm me down... It wasn't easy seeing that I've never hugged anyone other than Trevor.

A few more days passed lying in that same empty bed ,the stream of thoughts would sometimes drift me to sleep.

After a half a month had past i was back at school. It wasn't the same though people looked at me different, teachers treated me different. I guess some knew really how i felt.

I guess i really never explained it,how close we were. He was my big brother, best friend, mentor, and teddy bear.

I watched my father hit my mom when i was about five and since then I've feared he'd come for me next, but Trevor swore to never let that happen. Since then i had fallen asleep every night hugging him just to feel safe...but now my feeling of safety is gone.

Walking through the hallway I caught something in the corner of my eye that made my stomach sink. Two sixth graders grabbed a second grade boy and started beating him and while a million thoughts ran through my head I knew I had to do something, I knew I had to pay it forward. I could hear a teacher screaming and running down the hall to break it up but I jumped in anyways and after a few exchanged punches one of the boys pulls out a plastic knife to moch what happened to Trevor.

Right then a teacher stepped in to break it up. Shaken by what I had just seen I sat down back against the wall and sobbed... But I was determined to carry on Pay It Forward.

I ran off from school i was just so upset, i ran, i ran to his grave for over an hour i sat there crying. Until i heard my name.

"PARKER! PARKER!"

It was mom and Eugene, i guess the school called to tell them i ran off, i guess Eugene knew where i would be. Surprisingly they weren't mad at me as the the principal told them what had happened.

"Are you alright?"

Mom asked.

"Do i look alright!"

I said angrily.

"Parker i know things are hard, heck they're more than that. I never actually noticed how much Trevor took care of you when i didn't, i know i haven't been a good mother, and no you don't have a reason to trust me, but i need you,i need you to help me get through this, i need you to be your best."

"My best? Don't you get it i am doing my best I'm nine for God sakes. My big brother just died and he was the only protection i had and you're telling me that im not being my best! But i guess we do need to do this together and for me pay it forward starts here. I will be as strong as Trevor and i will try my best to carry pay it forward on."

Part 2

Be my best? What was that supposed to mean?

For God sakes im nine! And my mom and Mr. Simonet don't think im doing my best? What am i supposed to do? Not cry at all? Just shut up and take this crap? No i won't. Even though mom hasn't pulled out the bottle since before Trevor died she still has to habits to break. But i guess i need to help her, i guess i need to be stronger.

It was the quietest dinner i can remember having, mom and Eugene sitting there just twirling their forks in the spaghetti both of them just staring at their plates. Mom finally looked up and i could tell just from the look on her face she wasn't alright. She ran outside to where the community stood outside of our house to remember Trevor. Outside of the house they put a big photo of Trevor saying on the bottom "In loving memory of Trevor McKinney." Even though it's been a month people still stop by and put flowers down... A month... I had forgotten it had been exactly a month to the day.

My eyes also filled with tears as i ran over to be with my mom and Eugene did as well. I think we sat out there for a good hour or so, and as we sat there i began to feel less hopeless than i once did.

A lot of times I felt Trevor was with in my heart or even sometimes walking beside in all that I did. I hadn't walked into the garage in over a month but some odd reason I decided to one Saturday morning.

When I walked in I didn't know how to feel, there it was, that bike he rode, the same one that he rode on to start the movement of pay it forward.

I decided to take the bike and go downtown.

I hadn't ever really been downtown by myself before and I was little scared. Passing by people had to take a double at me because Trevor and I looked a lot alike I was just shorter.

I was still trying to figure how and where I could pay it forward to someone else when saw my chance.

I was shocked and my mind drew a blank for a about five seconds. There was a stroller baby and all rolling onto the street, the inattentive mother head turned talking to someone else. As quickly as I could I had to drop the bike and run out to middle of the busiest street in Las Vegas. I grabbed a hold of the stroller handle and I pushed back towards just as an inattentive driver noticed me at the last minute and slammed on the breaks. The squealing of sound of the tires and the horn honking caught the mothers attention and when turned around her baby in the stroller had been pushed back to safety.

By the time the car had stopped the front bumper was touching my leg. There was a huge sigh of relief but for a few seconds after both the driver and I were shocked. The mother and approached me.

"Are you okay sweetie? You just saved my child. How can I ever pay you back?"

The mother asked.

"Don't pay it back, pay it forward go and help three other people... I can't be small ot has to be something big..."

I said while trying to catch my breath.

Before she could say anything else I ran off back to Trevor's bike and started my way back home. I knew I probably should've been proud, or happy but the truth is is I was nervous, nervous to see if pay it forward would continue.

The news reports of pay it forward died down about a week after Trevor's death unfortunately. That doesn't mean that the movement has stopped...yet. And for all the hard work he did, for what he had to go through, and the result I want nothing more than for the movement to continue.

When I got home it almost five o'clock and Eugene and my mom were sitting on the couch.

I went into Trevor's room which i guess you can consider it my room as well now. I sat down at his desk and i opened that notebook he always used to write in, i opened up to where he planned out pay it forward. On the paper i saw three names: Adam,Mr. Simonet, and Mom. Each one of them were scratched out with an X through and i just couldn't figure out HE NOT KNOW HE HELPED EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEM? DID HE NOT THINK THEY CARED?

DIDN'T HE KNOW?

I slammed my head down on the desk and broke out in tears this time I wasn't quiet. It wasn't long before my mom and Eugene came running into the room.

They didn't even have to ask, they knew what had upset when they saw the book was open. They tried their to comfort me but I had never hugged anyone other than Trevor. That night I cried myself to sleep I managed to move myself over to Trevor's bed. I guess my mom and Mr. Simonet left to talk and see what they could do for me.

Part 3

Well what my mom and Eugene felt was best for me I had to agree with. After missing two weeks I was only at school for another two weeks and summer vacation started. I found myself on a white school bus full of other kids and luggage heading to a camp. I didn't think it was ideal to find someone to help at a camp but I guess I didn't know what I was in for.

When we got there I quickly noticed we weren't the only bus there was two others.

I got off the bus and my eyes couldn't stop wondering I've seen anything more beautiful than this place. Bright green grass, a little beach volleyball court, a beach, water bluer than the sky it just all felt so heart warming. As soon as I got off the bus I was quickly greeted by a stranger, a stranger named Calvin. Soon I found out Calvin was my counselor and ill never forget someone who seemed to care about me that much after not having met me yet. We decided to bring my stuff up to our cabin, that's when I met Eli.

I wasn't sure at first if I'd want to go near him. We walked in to yelling in the cabin Eli looked angry and he spat in his counselors face and ran out of the cabin. Then Corey his counselor didn't run after him, he looked at Calvin.

"Well is someone gonna get him?"

Corey asked

"Dude that's your job..."

Calvin said calmly.

So Corey went on the run to follow Eli and Calvin and I decided to follow them staying back a bit though.

Eli must have known where he was going because he ran back through the woods to this old rickety swing tied to an old oak tree.

"They call this the soarer."

Calvin turned and said to me.

"Why?"

"Well because quite often when you're on it you just tend to forget those troubles you have I guess it's just because so high, you feel free and unburdened."

"Unburdened?"

"Problem free for a while... Its nice when you need some quiet time, its calming."

I guess then is when I started figure out there's more to it than what meets the eye. One moment I see and hear Eli yelling and spitting the next he's quiet all because of one swing.

Eli was about 12 or 13 but wasn't much taller than me. He had long blonde hair always seemed to like to wear his beanie, pink sun glasses and his black, white, and green striped hoodie. He was medium build, but I don't think you'd want to mess with him.

The dinner bell rang but we didn't leave fight away, Eli didn't want to leave.

After a while Calvin and I went to to the dinning hall, even though I really didn't want to, I was concerned about Eli.

I sat down at the table and it was my first real chance to scan the other campers and they did likewise with me. One camper in particular kept staring at me as if he recognized me but I thought nothing of it.

Just as our table got dismissed to get our food Eli and Corey came in. You could neither Eli or Corey were happy with each other I just assumed they disagreed with leaving the soarer.

After dinner we went out to go and play a camp wide game capture the flag, and once again I noticed Eli and Corey weren't there for the beginning. I played the game for a while, but I found I was wondering to much about Eli.

Camp only ran from Sunday to Friday and surprisingly it was going by quick. I saw Eli each day, he always came in late for meals though, he always looked angry or upset, and he always wore a sweater no matter how hot it was.

Even though i had a difficult time sleep still Wednesday morning came quick and all I can remember is waking up to Corey and Calvin panicking because Eli wasn't there. I was very surprised that Corey hadn't gone to look for him yet, he just sat there yelling and ranting on to Calvin about how bad Eli was, Calvin had just gotten up as well and he was on the move faster than Corey was. I got myself dressed and quickly snuck because o had a feeling I knew where'd he be so I ran out and headed to the soarer. Just by luck I was right, he sat on the sing but he wasn't swinging just had his down. I took a few steps toward him.

"Go away!"

He said

"Sorry Eli I just wanna..."

"Go away! Can't people just leave me alone!"

I guess then I decided it would be a good idea to take a step back for now even though I wanted to help I thought maybe itd help him more if I left him be for now. I walked away and I couldn't help but notice out of my peripheral vision he was watching me leave. I could he was not watching me in a bad way but in a curious way.

During the rest of the day nothing really had happened. Night time fell on us quickly and we were up in the cabin. I couldn't sleep that night and honestly I thought I was the only one. I tossed and turned until I got up and went out to the deck of the cabin I sat down and just stared at the moon. Much to my surprise Eli came out to find me about five minutes later and he said.

"Hey Parker I'm sorry i got mad at you today."

I didn't have a response, not because I didn't want to but because I couldn't stop thinking about Trevor. I wanted to cry but I knew I couldn't, I just looked up at him.

Eli looked at me curiously and asked.

"What's wrong kiddo?"

"Nothing..."

"Don't lie, your face says it all."

"What do you mean?"

"I can tell you're holding back tears, and fear. The only reason i know is because I've done it many of times."

"Yea well you wouldn't understand."

"How would you know? I may not have been in the exact same situation, but maybe a similar one you never know."

I guess it was my turn to feel angry and I just blurted out.

"Oh yea? Did watch your brother die when you were nine years old? Did you lose your best friend? Your protector, mentor, and even teddy bear?

But what happened next I will never forget.

"Can I show you something kid?"

Eli asked.

I noded to say yes.

He took off his sweater and I cried from what I saw.

"See I never had a protector, a best , friend, or a mentor."

It was just soaking in, why he acted the way he did. Why he didn't seem to trust anyone. The bruises and the cuts...exactly what I feared my father would do to me.

"My father he got mad at me. He was an alcoholic and I took some money because we had no food in the house. When he found out he started hitting me with a rolling pin from the kitchen... I don't have a family that I can see right now..."

Without thinking I turned and hugged Eli as tight as I could, something I haven't done before.

I got a feeling be was just as shocked as I was. I couldn't help i just laid there on him sobbing. Eli began rubbing my back to try to calm me down a little but to me I felt like my worst nightmare had come true, only not for me but for Eli. I just couldn't understand no matter how times even mom tried to hug me I wouldn't let her, I'd only hug Trevor. But something was special about Eli I guess.

"You wonder why I showed you, or why I even bothered to come out here."

Eli asked.

"A little yea."

I sniffled.

"Well parker im going to be honest. I've noticed that ever since the day we got here you've kinda been watching me, but really not in a bad way. Believe it or not I see you when you're looking for me during the games. I don't just go to the swing i like to hide in the trees not far away from the games incase they call an emergency drill for me... Just to show that im there. And this morning i ran off because Corey is a horrible counselor, I've tried my best to keep my cool but it's not easy always hearing about how bad you are, especially when it becomes an everyday thought and that's all you know how to live by. But this morning when you came looking for me on your own, i felt something I've never felt before. I felt like someone cared about me. I feel like you care about me Parker."

I think then my heart shattered into a million peices thinking I knew he didn't understand...how could I?

"Alright kiddo we better go back inside its starting to rain and plus it's our last full day tomorrow, you don't have to get up though I'll carry you in."

For the time i was hugging Eli i kept asking myself, is Eli supposed to be the second person I help? How can I help him? Is he here to help me?

There's not much I can remember after those thoughts other than Eli tucked me in.

Surprisingly I slept the rest of the night, I guess I just tuckered myself out from crying.

Morning came and it was time for breakfast, you could tell something was different because Eli didn't argue with Corey he just kinda lingered his way to breakfast. He sat across from me at the table and today he just looked happier then he usually did.

After breakfast it was time for the sport of the day. It was soccer and this time I looked around for Eli and I could see him. It seemed he still didn't want to play but he wasn't hiding, he was sitting on the players bench on the sidelines.

I kinda thought to myself about what he had said to me last night and thought it would good idea to try to get him to play. So I grabbed a soccer ball and ran over to him.

"Hey Eli do you wanna play?"

"No..."

He said in a glum voice

I noticed then his head dropped with what seemed to be an ashamed face.

"Well we don't have to play with them, you an I could pass the ball to each other and if you don't know how to play I could teach you.."

He looked up at me with a confused face and he told me

"My dad always told me Id never be good enough for sports...he said I wasn't smart enough."

"Smart? Eli you're more than smart, smart people can't see past fake smiles like you did last night. I'll show you you can do it if you're willing to give it a try."

Eli looked at me with a granted smile and said.

"Alright I'll try it."

So we just started by passing the ball to back and forth. Eli missed the first couple times but I won't complain he did really good for his first time. By the end of the hour we got to ten consecutive passes so we decided that we would play in the last few minutes of the game, which turned out great because Eli scored a goal.

After soccer we headed into free time and Eli really wanted to bring me to the soarer and so I agreed to go, we had to have a counselor with us so Calvin came as well seeing that as usual Corey wasn't around.

When we got to the swing set Eli and I both just sat there on it for a few seconds and then I said.

"You know I guess I never fully answered your question last night."

"What do you mean?"

"When you asked me what was wrong..."

"Oh yea, you can still tell me if you want."

"Well last month I lost my big brother Trevor McKinney and..."

"Wait your brother was the one that started that pay it forward thing!? He was the one those two gang kids killed?"

"Yep...how'd you know?

I asked trying to hold my tears back.

"The two kids actually live in the same group as I do. Believe it or not I watch the news sometimes and I did that night and...well the reason I got sent here for the week was because I found out that it they did it because they were bragging about it I guess you could say and...well I punched one in the face..."

"But why? You didn't even know Trevor..."

"I guess it's just the way things work, I mean your brother didn't really know some of the people he helped right?"

"Yea, wait you live in Las Vegas?"

"Yup i live at the Tim McCann group home."

"You know I hadn't hugged anyone other than Trevor until last night..."

I told Eli while starting to choke up.

"Really I haven't ever felt like someone cared about me until last night. Parker I know you're about to break down can i hug you?"

He was right, i was about to breakdown and i couldn't take not being hugged any longer. Eli came up to me and i just clinged on as tight as i could. I thought to myself maybe i actually found someone who I could trust along the same lines as Trevor. Maybe Trevor's watching from above and had Eli and i meet for a reason.

I just let the hug soak in, yes I let my emotions get the better of me again but it was all for good.

The week before he died we were all sitting there watching wrestling, and suddenly he walked into the house. Our father after not seeing or hearing from him since I was about two he came back and he was actually sober. Mr. Simonet got ushered out the door and as he was driving Trevor stared out the window with such a scared look on his face. After Mr. Simonet left Trevor quickly locked us in his room and that's where we stayed for the next two days. That night was alright no yelling at all, but by afternoon he was drunk again. He started yelling at mom because we had locked the bedroom door and didn't come out, he also started banging on the door and I thought he was going to hurt her.

Finally mom unlocked our door and locked herself in with us and the last I remember him saying was. FINE YOU WANT ME OUT IM GONE!

I've been terrified of him since I was a toddler and I sometimes think he will come back to hurt me when he finds out about Trevor.

Through all these thoughts I didn't realize that Eli was carrying me I guess the bell had gone for lunch he carried me into the dinning not caring what others thought. I usually don't eat when im upset but this time was different because they made Mac N Cheese.

But from on in I could Eli really meant what he said when he told he cared about me. He tried making me smile by making silly faces and eventually face planted himself into his Mac N Cheese, which made me laugh really hard. He continued on by making bunny ears behind Corey which made me feel happy because it had been over a month since someone tried to make me happy.

After lunch Calvin, Corey, Eli, and I were heading up to the cabin for R&amp;R. And then I heard the most disturbing voice yelling from quite aways.

"HEY GET AWAY FROM SON!"

I looked back and there he was. My father, messy hair, scruffy beard, and drunk looking as usual, but this time he wasn't around for mom.

I was too dazzled to start running but Eli grabbed me and started running up to the cabin.

When we got up there he locked the door. The lock was like the ones on a bathroom stall not very strong and the latch was missing a few screws, so all we could do was hope.

Eli had hid me under a bottom bunk but just for what ever reason stayed out in the open.

Suddenly I heard a crash sound and the front door flinging open.

"YOU LET HIM DIE! YOU LITTLE TWERP!"

I heard him yelling. You could he was drunk, you could smell the alcohol off of him and it was so strong you'd think you were in a bar.

"WHERE IS HE?!"

He asked Eli. I was watching and grabbed a hold of Eli kept asking, somehow I was quiet but he somehow spotted me under the bed. Eli held his ground and wouldn't allow him near me.

Just as Calvin and Corey came running into the cabin with the directors close behind my father threw to the side hitting off of one of the bunk bed ladders.

Corey, Calvin, and the directors struggled to restrain my father and actually within five minutes the police showed up. My father was arrested on the spot. I came out from under the bed before the police car left and from a distance back i asked.

"How did you know where I was?"

"Lets just say Eugene was grocery shopping."

He yelled out to me before they shut the car door.

That was it my emotions felt like a valcano. He had gone after my mom and tormented her to find me. I thought to myself as I walked back into the cabin. Eli was sitting on a bunk when i walked in, just then i noticed the pool of blood on the floor.

I yelled as loud as i could to get a staff members attention and the director showed up to the cabin. The director carried Eli down to the camps nurse lodge and lucky for me it wasn't a serious injury. While they stitched up just above his eyebrow I sat in the waiting area, because i really did care about Eli, in fact i loved him.

I skipped supper and evening game. I guess Calvin was a little frustrated with me but i also think he understood. I was worried not about not about what happened, but i feared Eli would be angry with me for not coming out to defend him.

Night came and it was time for bed. Eli was still down at the nurses lodge, i hadn't seen him since about three P.M. Surprisingly with my emotions overflowing from what happened and not having Eli there i fell asleep.

It was about two A.M and i woke to someone shaking my shoulder. I was having nightmares once again about my father hurting my mother. And I could tell i was crying, my eyes were tear filled. I managed to squint enough to see that Eli was sitting on the edge of my bunk.

"Shhh its okay little buddy he won't be able to hurt you or your mom anymore."

Eli said calmingly while rubbing my back.

"He will , I know he will!"

"No he won't."

"How do you know?"

"Parker you're the only one that's ever showed that they care about me. Now I don't care if Calvin and Corey don't like this, but i think im going to stay here with you tonight so you can sleep. You can hug me as tight as you want, and you know how i know he won't hurt you guys again?"

"How?"

I asked while sobbing.

"Because I won't let him."

Out of all the people who had told me that before I had only believed Trevor, but something told me Eli meant it. Eli cared about me. Eli climbed into my bed and laid down and I actually wasn't hesitant. I kinda just snuggled up like a little brother would.

"Parker?"

"Yea"

"As odd is this may sound, i love you little buddy, like a brother."

I didn't even get the chance to answer before i fell asleep, hugging him as tight as i could.

Love me? Its been a long time since I've heard that honestly even from my mother. I know she has problems to deal with bit it would have been nice to hear that out of her every once in a while. But no instead for a while it was lying, she hid the alcohol where I couldn't see it or reach u guess. She did the same to Trevor but he was smarter and he knew where to look and everytime he'd empty them in the sink and throw the bottle away.

Today was the day we went home so Eli and I got up early. We didn't want to wake up Calvin or Corey because it was like five A.M.

We went down to the soarer, if you couldn't tell by now that was our spot to just let our emotions go. I guess were both kind of emotional only because we weren't sure if we would see each other ever again.

We sat down and just started swinging, but something was bothering me. Something made me want to ask Eli what happened, why he was at his group home, what made him the way he is.

Should I ask? Would it be offensive or going to far? Will it make him think I care more? All these questions running through my mind like a race horse, but finally I decided I would ask, Im not really sure what persuaded me too i guess i just was too curious.

" Eli?"

" Yea? What's up kiddo?

"I hope this isn't asking to much, but what happened with you and your parents?"

He looked back at me with a concerned look on his face.

"Why do you want to know?"

He asked kinda sounding suspicious.

"Because you cared enough to ask me to help me start my healing process. And when you said to me that I was the first you felt ever cared about you, you're damn right I do care about you. And I do love you. Since Trevor died I've so lonely and so empty until I came here. All Corey saw was a troubled kid but I saw something in you and obviously you saw something in me. Eli you're the closest anyone has ever come to being my best friend. I only say close because that's what Trevor was...and still is."

I kept my composure while saying that surprisingly but for once Eli had a tear in his eye but he caught himself before he broke down. He swallowed for some reason and then said.

" It was only last year when people started to notice. My school teacher noticed I never had anything for lunch , often I was dead tired, and sometimes fairly dirty."

He said while trying to keep his composure.

"There were days I'd get home and would slapped across the face for leaving my room, even if it was to go to school. But a lot of what you saw on me was from three months ago. My father was drunk and he wanted his next fix, he found his money and was gonna drive but I took his keys. When he found out he took a rolling pin from the kitchen and started beating me with it for almost ten minutes. All I remember is waking up in the hospital."

"Where was your mom?"

I asked.

"She died about a year before."

"Eli Im so sorry..."

I walked over to him just to comfort him as he started crying. I grabbed him tightly and said.

"Its okay let all that pain flow out, don't hold back your tears."

Everything dawned on me all at one, why he wore that sweater all time. Why he pushed people away. It was because the two people who were supposed to care about him the most; never did...

I had never thought that I'd see Eli cry, let alone being the one to comfort him. Really for the first time I understood how Trevor felt all those times he took care of me.

It was a little while later, Eli began to calm down. He looked up at me and said

"This is the first time I've ever let my emotions out. All those years of pain led me to do something for about a year I didn't really want do, it was just the way I could release that pain."

"What do you mean?"

I asked a little confused.

"Parker when I showed you my bruises I only showed you one side of my body. I didn't show you because you're a smart fella, and I guess I just didn't want you to think I was weak."

As he said that he rolled up his left sleeve, and there were five scars on his wrist.

I looked at Eli and I said.

"Why would I think you're weak? Sure you did it for a while, but you also had the strength to stop. You didn't really have a shoulder to cry on until we met. No I don't think you're week. Eli you're one of the strongest people I know."

He just smiled at me and suddenly in the background we could hear Calvin coming to find us, I guess time flew by.

Eli, Calvin, and I all headed down to the dinning hall for what was potentially our last meal together. We made the most of it fooling around and laughing, Eli just face planted into his pancakes just for a good laugh.

After breakfast came time to pack our stuff and board the bus.

Even though and I both lived in Las Vegas he had to board a different bus that went to the east end, while I had to board one that to the west end. It was time to say goodbye and even though i didn't talk to Calvin all that much he still cared for me. I gave him a hug and made sure he knew that.

For Eli it was hardest thing for me, I've already had to say goodbye to one brother for good, and now maybe my second. I ran to Eli and jumped into his arms surprisingly. I held on and kept telling Eli I LOVE YOU.

"Hey kiddo we'll see each other again, I promise."

Eli said calmly.

"Are you sure?"

I said with a little sniffle.

"I promise."

Then I noticed Eli wasnt wearing that same sweater he liked to wear.

"Where's your sweater?"

I asked curiously.

"I lost it."

About a minute after that the bus was ready to leave. As i boarded the bus i stopped and looked at Eli one last time, he smiled at me and waved, i somehow smiled and waved back.

As the bus was leaving all I could do was look back and see Eli and the camp come into a fading distance, and now just a memory.

The bus ride was about an hour and a half. For that time all I could think about is if I'd ever see Eli again.

When the bus finally came to my stop my mom and Eugene were standing waiting for me to get off the bus. Much to my surprise i ran off the bus and hugged my mom, and even Eugene.

As my mom looked a little she asked.

"How was it? I missed you."

For once she sounded excited to know.

"IT WAS GREAT MOM, CAN I GO BACK NEXT SUMMER PLEASE?"

"We will see when the time comes sweetie."

"Okay."

I said with a smile on my face.

We grabbed my bags off the bus and headed for home, i couldn't stop thinking about Eli though, i missed him already.

When we got to the house it felt weird being there. No open space, no forest surrounding , no soarer, no Eli.

Before i unpacked i went out to Trevor's plaque and i just there and i prayed. Then all those feelings i kept in just flowed out, saying goodbye to Eli, breaking my barriers, continuously thinking of Trevor. It just flowed out and i actually imagined what things would be like if we all were together.

I sat there for an hour and then decided to go unpack my stuff and when i opened my bag the first thing i saw was a green striped hoodie with a note pinned to it that said "Here you keep it."

I stepped back from my and gasped. I couldn't understand why he'd want me to have that sweater, the one he seemed to love so much.

I just left the bag there for a while and started unpacking the one next to it. The more I looked at it the more I started to miss Eli, the more I missed Eli the more I thought of Trevor. I had unpacked three of the four bags but it was close to bedtime so I thought I'd wait until tomorrow to unpack the last one. It was a cool night cooler outside than usual which also made it cold inside; so I grabbed Eli's sweater out of the bag. When I picked it up there was something a little heavier so I took a look and it was a journal.

As I laid down in bed I began to read some of the entries.

May 22 2000,

Today was another terrible at school. My teacher kept asking me why I didn't have any food in front of the class... One student made fun of me and told her my family didn't care about me. I got suspended because I punched him.

May 24

Dad finally came home from who knows where. He found out i got suspended and he hit me in the face. Now I've got bruises. Mom was scared she didn't what to say. At least that's she said.

May 26

Today i feel worthless... My mom is gone, I'll never be able to see her again... Even though i dont think she cared about me i think i loved her. Mom and dad got into an argument a few hours before. Afterwards dad left and about two hours later i heard a gunshot. I called for mom and she didn't answer. When i went to go see her i ran as soon as i saw the blood. I ran and ran down the dirt road. Luckily someone saw me, someone my age. He was riding a bike and i think his name was Trevor... He wanted to help me. Even though i didn't know him i let him. I let him tell me things were gonna be alright... Though i didn't believe him he was sure. He definitely made me feel better today and may have saved my life.

After reading that i started crying. I felt so bad for Eli for the way people treat him. For the way his parents were to him. How i at first though so wrongly of him...

I couldn't Trevor helped him, that's how Eli knew who he was. Things were starting to piece together.


	2. MY LAST DAY WITH HIM

Trevor didn't just stop at three people, he really did help so many more.

That's why he came from school so late? That's why he was usually so tired? Really it was for all the best.

Mom used to get mad at him for coming home so late school, but eventually she started to adapt and understand .

After Trevor died my mom had told me that Trevor didn't want me to know about pay it forward yet because Trevor and mom both knew what kinda of risks could come with it, and honestly I was that scared to lose him.

My last day with him was his twelfth birthday. He was happier than ever, he just the need let go of his emotions and thoughts, he didn't think pay it forward worked. We got up and he and I played wrestled for a bit on his bed, eventually mom called for us to go to breakfast, mom made pancakes.

Afterwards Trevor was extremely happy because mom didn't lie to him, she didn't purposely throw up.

Through Trevor and I just playing I remember that was happiest i think I've ever felt, all because he was happy.

Soon came the party and even more happiness because grandma was there, alot of friends came, and everyone seemed in a happy mood. We ate cake and he opened his presents, he got the nerf gun he really wanted.

A while after we were playing tag in the house and spraying silly string at each other. As we were doing that a knock came from the door. None of us stopped to listen, but soon after mom answered the door we found ourselves packing up the party and heading to his school. Trevor had somehow an interview and at the time I didn't know what for, but being a proud brother i gave him a big hug , little did I know it would be the last hug i gave him.

The reporter took us inside Trevor's classroom for his interview. Trevor told the reporter he wasn't proud of himself for starting the movement, and me i was just amazed to hear about it. The movement had gone from Las Vegas all the way to L.A , and I didn't even know about it. The last question and answer from the interview would be the one that I'd never forget.

"Is that what you wish for your birthday? For everyone to pay it forward?"

"It wouldn't work."

"Why?"

"... Because I already blew out the candles."

After the interview I went with Trevor to fetch his bike. As we broke off from his friends that's when we saw Adam getting gang beat. Trevor got on his bike and he started go, I started after him but he told me to stay back and for some reason I was obedient. As soon as the first punch I hear Eugene yelling at them to stop, I didn't notice Eugene was there.

My mom and Eugene started running down to break up the fight, but it was to late. I'll never forget the of that switchblade being pulled out and Trevor being pushed into it. Just as that happened my mom and Eugene jumped over last rail rushing to Trevor. All I can remember hearing is Eugene yelling is SOMEONE CALL FOR AN AMBULANCE! In just pure reaction that's what I did, yes I made that 9-1-1 call while my mom and Eugene attended to Trevor.

The ambulance wait seemed like an eternity. But when they finally pulled up it wasn't even a normal ambulance, they were St. John Ambulance volunteers.

When we finally got to the hospital my heart was sinking, tears were flowing, and my head was burried into my knees. About after two hours the doctor came to tell us the news.

My heart felt like it had sunk 6 feet under. I watched my mom fall to the ground and Eugene comfort her, they forgot about me.

No one could drive home that night so they called us a taxi. Mom and Eugene sat in front of the tv trying to make the best of this somehow, trying to "stay strong."  
I locked myself in Trevor's room and started sobbing. I burried my face into his pillow until Eugene came knocking the door. He told me that there was something outside I should see and I don't know what motivated me too but I got up to go see. When I walked outside I was as tear filled and shocked as mom. There must have been 500 people outside our house with candles.

Grandma, Jerry, Chris the reporter, Adam, Trevor's classmates, they were all there, there to remember him. I definitely felt him there with us that night, but now I have never felt so empty.


	3. Chapter 3 Dreaming

After reading the last entry in Eli's journal it was really hard to sleep, but eventually after about an hour of tossing and turning I drifted off to sleep. There they both were Eli and Trevor, Eli and I were sitting on the soarer as Trevor pushed me. I had a huge smile on my face as we sat on the swings. Calvin and Corey weren't, I dont know why. After what seemed to be an hour we left to play soccer. Trevor and I both taught Eli how to play, he was really good once he got going. He would spin past me and score on Trevor five times out of ten. After a while it was getting dark, so we all headed to the cabin but we didn't go in right away. The three of us sat out on the porch and Eli started telling Trevor his story, after many tears Trevor and I hugged him. Trevor comforted him and something drove him to say "Why dont you come live with us." Eli didn't know how to respond infact he just smiled. We finally went in for bed and Trevor and I gave Eli another hug. Trevor allowed me to climb up into his bunk and he hugged me tightly. That's when I woke up. It was all just a dream, surprisingly I wasn't in tears from missing both Trevor , and Eli, but instead I looked up skyward thinking to myself I know what you want me to do. 


	4. Chapter 4

After I got out of bed that morning brought nothing but curiosity for me. I was up and awake before my mom and Eugene so grabbed a cereal bar and headed out to garage to grab Trevor's bike. I was heading out to the convenient store just down the street to look at a map of Las Vegas to see if they'd have the group homes marked on them. As I got to the the store I felt excited because, just maybe I would find Eli that day. I went into the store and sure enough there was a large map on the wall. I had to start scanning the map because the group home Eli said he was in was on opposite side of the city from where I lived. Sure enough I found it and I was right it'd be about a good two hour bike ride. I had some change in my pocket so I bought a little map so I wouldn't get lost,and also a little flower, I dont know why it just caught my attention. Riding through the city was somewhat hard to do because every so often I'd bike by a place Trevor would tell me about. On my way I decided to stop for a moment at the site where my mom told pay it forward started. I could see what Trevor was thinking. Down below there were people, lots of them. They were sleeping on old torn up couches or in the dumpsters. Others were picking food out of the dumpsters. Some were drunk, others were high but just seeing those who hit rock bottom. As some of them started staring me I left to continue on my journey to find Eli telling myself I'd be back. It was now pushing two o'clock and biking through the center of the town was the school Trevor had just started going too. I guess there was some sort of investigation or something because there had been markings right where Trevor had died. I didn't plan to stop here but I guess that's why the flower had caught my attention. It was a yellow tulip, and yellow was Trevor's favourite colour. I put the flower down directly where Trevor was stabbed and died. Telling myself not to cry I just looked up at the sky and the sun was shining brighter than ever, and my heart warmed. My biggest challenge getting through town was the traffic, but after a few close calls with some inattentive drivers I finally was the Tim McCann house. I didn't have to look far to find Eli, to my surprise he was out the play yard playing goal in soccer. He didn't see me so I wanted to surprise him. With the gate keeper understanding and cooperative he let inside the play yard. "HEY ELI!" I shouted. Within seconds I was soaking in a hug. "Why are you here?! How did you find me?!" Eli exclaimed. "Well I guess after a day I just missed you that much. If I had the chance I'd do the same with Trevor." "I know. Come on come play soccer with us." Eli didn't even have to introduce me, everyone seems to know who I was because Eli talked about me that much already. We had a and hard fought soccer game which in the end the other team prevailed two to one. Eli had done alot better because he was having fun, because he was gaining confidence. After they decided to end the game Eli and I just went and sat at a nearby picnic table. I didn't even get to sit down before he said. "Im just gonna ask right away, Im glad you're here but why are you here? Honest answer." "Because last night I actually felt so empty, now I miss you and Trevor..." "Okay, I just wanted to make sure you weren't here because them." "Who?" "... The two gang members who killed Trevor." I just drew a blank, I had completely forgotten that Eli told me about them living here. "To be honest I completely forgot they lived here." I said in an insecure voice. "Don't worry, they can't hurt you." "Eli, I miss him." I said while trying not to cry. "I know you do." He said while coming over to my side to hug me. That long fulfilled hug was interrupted by shadows I saw of two people coming up behind us. 


	5. Chapter 4 continued

As I turned around to see who was there my heart sank to the bottom of my stomach. It was them, the two gang members that killed Trevor. Eli got up quickly and started questioning them. "What are you guys doing here?" He asked very angrily. "We live here, we can come here if we'd like." One of said back. "Im sure you knew he was here... Im sure you're here to make him feel threatened..." "That goes to show how much you know us." After they said that out of anger I sprang up and yelled. "HOW MUCH HE KNOWS YOU? HE KNOWS BECAUSE YOU'RE HERE AT A GROUP HOME, AND YOU'RE HERE BECAUSE YOU KILLED MY BROTHER!" As I said that Eli put out his arm so I didn't get to close. "Well much as this may shock you, we actually came to talk to you about what happened." Eli was pushing me back towards the picnic table as I finally had boiled over, I yelled. "WHAT IS THERE TO TALK ABOUT?! HE'S GONE, YOU CAN'T BRING HIM BACK!" I broke into tears. "I know, but really I just want you to listen." "What's there to listen too?" Visiting hours were coming too a close and I really didn't want to deal with them. Without even saying good bye to Eli I got up and started heading for the gate, as I reached the gate one of them yelled. "We want to pay it forward but we both need your help. Pay it forward was much different for me than it was for Trevor. I didn't have a plan of who i wanted to help, i just kinda watched and listened to people. Through my mind you can't turn a blind eye to the world, because when you do you yourself are making the world blind. I almost forgot the whole concept of pay it forward... It wasn't supposed to be easy, and wasn't always going to jump out at me. While i had still been people watching i guess that's what i expected, for things to be obvious. Things were coming clear to me, while i was thinking it was almost like i left my body as i stood motionless for about five minutes. 


	6. Chapter 6

Eli started shaking me, yelling, screaming my name I'm not really to sure. I was so lost thought, yet I don't think Eli or the gang members realized that im soon to overcome my biggest fear...them. I finally came too and Eli and the two members were surrounding me. "Alright lets talk." I said as I pushed through them and headed back to the picnic table. They followed me back to the table and for a few minutes we sat in silence. " This probably won't mean anything but, I never meant to kill him." One of the gang members said shamefully. "Meant it or not do you know what you guys took away from me?! What you took away from this world?! I shouted still feeling a little heated. We just sat in silence for a few minutes after that. Eli was just twiddling his thumbs but I could see he was getting angry. I left him be to let him stream his thoughts. One of the gang members looked up at me and said. "You wouldn't know. You wouldn't know what its like to be known as the one who killed your brother, a twelve year old who changed the world and possibly started the biggest movement ever." I really wasn't sure how to feel. I felt like crying, but yet I felt so guilty. I only understood how I felt, I didn't even think about them. Why did they do what they did? What did they have against Adam? Why was knife pulled? "Why did you guys even start beating up Adam?" I asked. "Because we were angry, he called us fags." Before I even got to say anything Eli slammed his fist onto the table and it actually broke off a chunk at the end. "Maybe you guys shouldn't have pushed people to that point!" Eli said angrily. Both of the gang members looked at us and one said. "We know now that we took something from you that we'd never be able to replace. This for me takes a lot to say sorry. Its hard because I know you can't fully forgive us. Parker We are willing to somehow do what we can to turn our lives around. All we have is each other Parker. Our parents dont care , they never did. Can you and Eli help give us a new start." My mind was burning with emotion. I had put head down to the table just to think, and I finally said. "Im willing to do it." That's all I said. I then went to turn to Eli because i was starting to shed tears ,but he wasn't there, I couldn't see him anywhere. I got up and started running with my head down towards that gates, and just as I reached the gate Eli caught me. He noticed I was crying right away and put my head on his shoulder and hugged me. "Hey I just went to cool down, what happened?" Eli asked. "I told them I'm willing to help them turn their lives around." I sniffled. "Good job buddy." By now Eli was rocking me back and fourth to calm me down. "Eli, how were you strong enough to break the table like that?" "Well..." He put me down and lifted up part of his shirt and sure enough he had a solid six pack... I was a little shocked and my face said my more than my words. "How do you think I stood my ground when your father came to the camp?" Eli asked. "Honestly, i thought it just will power. You didn't want him to hurt me." "Parker come sit and I'll explain." Eli brought me back to the picnic table and it wasn't that I was afraid of Eli, I was just curious as too why a thirteen year old would have a six pack. "Parker I know this may sound stupid but when my dad started hurting me no one was there for me, not even my mother. That day, that day that he beat me with the rolling pin he almost killed me. I ALMOST DIED! Parker i had just turned ten the day before and i had almost been killed! Anyways after I got out of the hospital I wasn't put in the group home right away and just to stay away from my house I went to an old abandoned playground where I just used the old structures to work out basically. My mind set was to prevent what happened to me from happening to others too. And I guess for my sake it was how I coped if I didn't self harm... When i got put into this home the self harm stopped because they had some counseling for me. But the they allowed to continue to workout. I'll never use my strength to hurt anyone Parker... I just want to stop the nightmare for other kids." "But why would you want to help these kids out when you wouldn't want to build to build a relationship with anyone? I mean not to be rude but it only seems like you've tried to build one with me." I said calmly. "You don't know a lot about my story or me Parker. Like I've said before no one has ever showed me they cared except for you. Maybe others have but honestly I didn't know what it felt like. My dad or my mom never cared for me. Dinner was always eat what you can find, and usually there was no food. I had to spend all day in my room, my parents didn't want to see me. I've been beaten by my father four times. So when that comes about you dont really know who you can trust anymore, you dont know loves you or who's just paid to seem like they do." "Well you know i love you. You're...you're like my big brother." "And too me you're my little and only brother...and so you know i love you." "Do a lot of people judge you because of of your strength? "Not a lot of people know. Only you and my worker." It was getting dark and it was soon time for me to leave. As badly as I didn't want to leave I gave Eli a tight hug, hopped on my bike and started down the street. And for once I actually felt as safe as I would have with Trevor. It was pushing nine pm by the time I left and I still had to travel across the city. I decided to stay on the main roads because you never know who's on those back roads and what they're doing. After the first hour of biking I stopped at the school again. Because it wasn't dark yet I went back to the spot, the spot where they killed Trevor. Surprisingly the flower was still there and as I looked around there more than that there. There were still spots of blood on the pavement... I could only assume it was Trevor's. I just sat down right at that spot for almost an hour. For that hour my mind was in fantasy mode thinking what things would be like if Eli, Trevor and I were all together how much easier life would be, the support we could all give each other. I guess I was spacing in and out because i had no concept of the time and an hour had past. I had quickly gotten up once i looked at my watch and just as i hopped on my bike I saw headlights pulling into the school parking lot and the outline of what looked like Eugene's jeep. No sooner did my mom get out before she started yelling. "PARKER WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?! WE HAVE BEEN LOOKING FOR YOU ALL DAY! TELL ME WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN." "I was looking Eli." I said as calmly as I could. "Eli? Who's Eli?" "Maybe you'd know if you'd talk to me more. Im nine years old and my big brother died just a month ago and you and Eugene have left me out to dry. Im sick of fending for myself, you're supposed to help me, why can't you just be a real parent to me once? Im tired of it." I no sooner got the last words out of my mouth and my mother slapped me. It brought a sharp but heat filled pain to my right cheek but for some reason unlike Trevor I didn't run away. I actually hugged my mother as she was bawling, something finally made me realize she was just as hurt as I was. 


	7. Chapter 7

Back at home things were a beginning to look different. I was getting ready for bed when my mom came in. "Sweetie who's Eli?" She asked, with a seeming to care voice. " He's my best friend mom." "Oh did you meet him at camp?" "Yup." "Now Parker what makes Eli so special you have to go across town for him?" I began to tell my mom the story of that night out on the porch , she smiled and grinned and just seemed happy about me interacting with someone finally. Then when I got into Eli's story she almost cried. "Mom I want to do something to help." "Parker we can't adopt him, we can't afford it." As my mom was walking out of my room I said " Mom I finally told someone who wasn't Trevor that I loved them... Maybe Eli truely needs to see he's loved..." She stopped right in her tracks as she was shocked by me saying that. She turned with a confused but yet curious loom on her face and asked. "Eli really means that much too you?" "Just look at what he did for me mom." Mom sat down on my bed. "You know what I owe him for what he did for me as well. As you know your father was here, he somehow knew that Eugene to go shopping I was in my bedroom so I didn't have a chance to go anywhere or grab the phone." "What did he do to you?" I asked. " He kept asking me where you were, and everytime I didn't answer he'd hit me." Mom said, rubbing off some of her make up revealing some bruises. "Why didn't you tell him the first time!? I would have rathered him find me than hurt you again!" "Parker , you dont know what he wanted to do to you. He thinks you let Trevor die. He wanted to do something terrible." "I think I let him die too mom! I could have stopped it!" "But where would you be? You could of been killed and Trevor would have been the one sitting here..." "The world needed him more than they need me!" I said once again sobbingly. "Parker... You know that's not true." "Really because Pay It forward isn't working for me, it did for Trevor..." "How do you know? Just because you don't see it working doesnt mean it isn't. Good night sweetie." After my mom left my room I couldn't do anything but think about what she said. She's right though, Trevor didn't get to see the impact he made on the WORLD... So how was i supposed to know if restarting the movement was making a difference? I guess never, you just gotta hope and have faith in those you help, that they have faith in those they see that need help. It didn't take long for my thoughts to drift me to sleep as it was tiring day. In a dream I woke up to what seemed to be heaven, it looked a lot like earth just a lot cleaner and nicer. Infact it looked a lot like my street in Las Vegas. I was sitting on the street. Down the street was a freshly painted Dunkin Doughnuts, beside it was also a freshly painted Perkins. Just then I had felt a tap on my shoulder and slowly turned around only to see Trevor, and behind him was our house,only it was cleaner. Trevor lived by himself in the house and he explained it was because the rest of us were still alive. He took my hand and he told me he saw how people were affected by the continuation of the movement... He told me specifically that he can't show me who affected or how its affecting them as he said I'd see one day. And as he said that he burried into a hug and as he let go a circle opened up in the ground and I woke up. 


	8. Chapter 8 Somewhere I've wanted to go

I wasn't sure if the dream was real or not until I opened my eyes. The sun was shining brighter than ever right through my bedroom window. I got up and went straight to the kitchen where my mom and Eugene were already sitting. My mom in one hand had her mug of coffee as usual but what was in the other hand was a little different this time. Instead of a newspaper it was a green and white book and all I could make out of the title was TIPS ON BECOMING A...  
I couldn't the rest of the title so just out of curiosity I asked  
"Hey mom whatcha reading?"

"Nothing important sweetie, why don't you have some breakfast? There's waffles in the oven."

The smell of chocolate chip waffles very quickly distracted me and my train of thoughts. I grabbed a plate and wolffed down three waffles...that's a lot for me.

It didn't dawn on me until I finished it was the first I had waffles since I last saw Trevor.

Every Sunday we would get up early to make waffles, sometimes with mom...sometimes without. Trevor was pretty skilled for his age given that he had been caring for me at such a young age so he knew how to do a lot. He and I would be laughing and giggling sometimes to the point we would even wake mom up. By the time we were done the counter and our step stools would be a disaster filled with flour, sugar and really anything we through into the mix. We would always clean up after which for some reason was still fun, I dont know why but we would always laugh. Sometimes we would do karaoke with a broom and dance.

Just recently before I lost him we would go and sit outside and we would talk. One day I said to Trevor  
"My teacher tells us that we should go to church on Sundays because God wants us too."

"People at church wouldn't accept two scruffs like us buddy, plus mom wouldn't want to go."  
He told me. Looking a little disappointed.

"But we could go."

"It's hard to explain Parker we will go one day, you and I."

But we never did. I went back to my room to get dressed, when I opened the closet I couldn't help but noticing the suit that was hanging in my closet. It was the suit I had worn for Trevor's wake and funeral, it was mostly black. A black tuxedo, black dress pants, black dress shoes and yup a black tie, with a white dress shirt. I told myself I'd never where it again after the the funeral but really it was the only suit I had, and today I really wanted to see if a church would accept a scruff like me.

With a bit of having to force myself I put on the suit. I was just about to open the garage door when mom asked.  
"Where are you going? And why so fancied up?"

"I wanna go to church mom. Trevor told me would go one day...we didn't get too."

"Church? Wow you're changing Parker."

"Do you want to come with me mom? Id love if you did."

She didn't know what to say.

Her face was as blank as an empty piece of paper. It looked like she was debating. Do I tell him the truth and tell him how bored I'd be? Or do I play the good mom and suck it up and go?

"If you make up your mind you may be able to catch up with me."  
I said while walking towards the door.

What made even harder going to church that day was the fact that it was down pouring outside. Now of course I won't hide the fact that I was going to the only church I knew, the church where Trevor's funeral was held. The walk was a good twenty minutes visibility was poor, rain was blasting down on me as I didn't think to bring an umbrella. Finally I got to the church.

The church was placed in what looked to be a middle classed income area. It was a very friendly looking place, tall walls with light brown almost burgundy bricks with letters that said "Bridgeside Evangelical Missionary Church."  
Bright green grass surrounded the property and in the back there was a play structure for the young ones like me to have fun.

I went inside and right inside the door there were two greeters. One a younger lady maybe in her 20's, long brown hair and a pretty pink dress. The other was an older gentleman maybe in his 40's, short black hair and very spiffed up in a suit.  
The man looked at me and asked  
"Are you here by yourself son?"

"Yes sir I am."  
He looked at me and noticed I was sopping wet. My tuxedo was ruined from the rain I generally was very cold.  
"You're gonna get sick like that son, here let me get Pastor Dean and we will get you some dry clothes to wear."


	9. Chapter 9

I walked into the sanctuary and and sat at the very back, only because I was new to the church and was a little nervous. At around 10:30 Pastor Dean came in and everyone stood up. It felt so akward not knowing any of the songs they sang, not to mention I was sitting by myself in the back.

Eventually the songs ended and they around a plate, the offering plate I thinks its called. Finally after all that, Pastor Dean started his sermon.

"Have you ever lost someone so dear to you that you had wondered what you'd do without them? If so have you ever felt the struggle of trying not to lose yourself after losing them? I know it sounds hard because of what the world today puts on us BUT WE CAN'T LOSE OURSELVES  
WHEN WE LOSE SOMEONE! Romans 6:23 says "The wages of sin is death."  
And it's not always our own sin that kills us unfortunately.  
Now in a news story I saw a couple months ago a young lad named Trevor was killed, and when I say young I mean he was only 12years old... And he got stabbed. Now this young man created one of the most famous movements this world will ever see. Trevor created the Pay It Forward movement. Now  
I'm saying that Trevor didn't sin, but what I am saying is it sure seems like he died because of the sin that the two gang members this story remind you of anything in the bible? Now Trevor can't be  
compared to Jesus simply because he wasn't Jesus. However the stories  
are similar. Jesus died on the cross for our sins to save us. But yet before he  
died Jesus told his disciples to carry on his teachings. In modern day time  
when death is striking us more than ever we need to do the same, we need to  
carry on the teaching of the Lord which I believe Trevor was doing!"

"TREVOR WAS MY BROTHER!"  
I stood up and shouted right in the middle of his sermon.

The entire congregation turned around and looked shocked from what they saw. I was too, because I had just realized that the clothes I was wearing were ripped because they were Trevor's...the ones he was wearing when he died.


	10. Food For Thought

"What brings you here?"

Asked Pastor Dean.

"Well sir, I just want to be able to finally accept the fact that he's gone, but I really need help with that"

I responded starting to tear up.

"What's your name kiddo?"

"Pa….Pa…Pa…Parker….. Parker Mckinney."

That's when I lost it, in front of the entire church I fell to my knees and started with tears flooding down my face. No one would understand why I was crying so hard, I didn't tell them about the clothes they gave me…

All of a sudden I heard a door open, and about ten to fifteen seconds after that I felt someone's hands grab my sides and lifted me up. Much to my surprise when I opened my eyes it was my mother, but we were in the middle of a circle, the entire group of people at the church surrounded us. They looked to be praying, some looked like they were being sad with me, and others looked like they didn't know what to do. My mom had put me back down after about ten minutes of hugging me, yes that's right…. I let her hug me, but that's when she saw the clothes I was wearing as well. She gasped and looked at me closely, I saw her starting to tear up and I wasn't sure why…she seemed strong up until that point.

"Parker, you look so much like him. Is there a mirror in here anywhere?"

My mom gasped.

That same man the greeted me at the door brought us back to the clothing where there was a mirror. I cried again once I looked in the mirror… if you were to look at me and Trevor, the only way you'd know which one is which is the fact I'm shorter than him.

Afterwards we went back into the churchy part of the church and listened to the rest of the sermon. When that was done everyone was leaving and just as we were going to leave Pastor Dean stopped us to talk.

"Parker, that was very brave of you. Not a lot of kids your age could admit that."

He said.

"Thank you sir, I miss him….more than anyone could ever know."

"I bet, I lost my brother when I was twelve years old. To this day I still miss him. But Parker, just know Trevor's watching over you, and he still and always will love you."

"Thank you sir, I think I needed to hear that."

"No problem kiddo, if you ever want to stop by here I do need helpers on the weekends for the thrift shop."

Just as we were leaving Pastor Dean was getting into car as well. I kept hearing this spinning and rattling noise in the background, finally I realised his car wouldn't start.

I was wonder much Trevor doubted himself, if he did at all. He didn't show it in front of me. He always taught me that passion and will can get anything done, and he a lot of both. Believe it or not I wasn't always with him, because I was either in class or like last year, in a completely different school. But for entire school year I heard the teachers talking about how one of their former students is changing the world. I couldn't say that they one-hundred percent talking about Trevor until the week I came back after his death. However I can tell you I was upset because each teacher tried to take recognition as they were saying that they were a big part of making Trevor who he was.

They were so wrong it wasn't them who made Trevor who he was….it was my mother…..and me. Whoever would have thought that my mom being piss drunk almost every night would have helped Trevor? I guess to explain in short terms, Trevor was my parent more than my brother, and also my best friend. Today was the first time that I allowed my mom to pick me up since I was maybe one or two years old. Every night from when my father hit my mother up until Trevor died, he'd pick me up. Sometimes when I was smaller he'd cradle me, and he'd sing me a lullaby and rock me to sleep. When I got older and a bit bigger we would watch wrestling before bed. When the time came to go to bed I half asleep, so Trevor would pick me up and I'd burry my face into his shoulder usually hugging as tight as I could. We would go to bed, and he would be my teddy bear because I didn't actually have one.

A lot of people made fun of me when they found out about it, but they didn't realise. They didn't know how hurt I was on the inside, all they saw was an easy target. They didn't care about the constant nightmares during the daytime I still had, they didn't care that my mother wasn't there for me when I needed her, they didn't care that I had the best brother in the world. All they saw was someone who they thought was weak. There was one teacher however who was a little different. I'm not sure if he actually cared, or felt sorry for me. I didn't know his first name and I never had as a teacher. His name was Mr. Sinclair. He'd always smile at me in the when I got to school, I guess he was always on yard duty in the morning. I didn't trust him because I thought he would be like the rest of them. Was it really surprising that I didn't trust anyone other than Trevor? But somehow things were changing, I started to be able to see a bright side some people. I started to trust someone else other than Trevor, but that none of it would have happened if I hadn't met Eli.


End file.
